How To Stay In Contact After You’ve Met Someone (And My Big Mistake)
This is the MONTH OF NETWORKING!
I know I know, you are EXCITED! 🙂
If you aren’t sure how valuable networking is, or you need a networking confidence boost, please check out my last blog on how to be a more confident networker. VOILA!
This week I wanted to talk about how to stay in touch. And I’ll start with an example of how NOT to stay in touch.
Sadly, it’s my own. I made a big mistake earlier this year in one of my networking efforts, and I wanted to show you what I did wrong so you can avoid it.
My big mistake
I was working on a project that involved reaching out to a few other coaches who I wanted to meet with in-person. I drafted up personal (of course!) emails to everyone, and I cheerfully sent them off.
At the last second, I added one more name to my list. Someone I liked and kept in very loose touch with over the last 3 years, and dashed off a quick note to her. I was in a rush, and didn’t give it my full attention. Here’s the main focus of what I sent (note: I’ll explain about the wig experiment at a later date!) :):
“Hey Remy –How are you? I hope everything is well with the wig :).I’m writing because I am assembling a group of career coaches together for a conference and thought you’d be perfect! I’m hosting everyone up here in SF, and we are going to mastermind together for a couple of days and work on the business of the business. We’d love to have you!
*Seems* okay, right? I said something personal that connected us, I was friendly and light-hearted and kept the same tone we’d used in past communications etc etc.
Wrong. Why? Here’s what I got back in response:
“Hey Christie –Thanks for the invitation but I’m booked up for now. I wish you the best at the conference!”
So what did I do wrong? You’ve probably already seen it, but just in case – look again.
“Hey Remy –How are you? I hope everything is well with the wig :).I’m writing because I am assembling a group of career coaches together for a conference and thought you’d be perfect! I’m hosting everyone up here in SF, and we are going to mastermind together for a couple of days and work on the business of the business. We’d love to have you!”
Notice something? This email is all about ME. I did a brief nod to common politeness, but this email really reads more like this:
“Hey howareyoudoingthat’sgreatnowlet’stalkaboutme, m’kay?”
In my rush to get the email out, I didn’t ask her one personal question or even pretend to be interested in her life…which is terrible on my part. And it obviously didn’t make her feel great. But all hope is not lost! You can make mistakes in networking (and you WILL make mistakes in networking), but you can also repair them at any time.
How I fixed the problem
Here’s what I did: I simply emailed her again, and acknowledged what I had done wrong.
“Hey Remy –I feel like such an idiot – my last email was all about me. How are YOU doing? How is your business? What’s happened since we last chatted?You always have something smart to say – I’d love to know how you are doing!”
And her response was positive – she very kindly and classily wrote back a lovely email and that started a conversation which lead to…
… a weekly coffee chat between the two of us! My goal was to be more connected with her, and now I am.
Here’s the point:
I made a mistake when I re-initiated contact with Remy. I was clearly all about my thing, and not about the relationship. But the fix was just as easy: A short four-line email putting the focus back where it belonged… on being human. Once I had done that, she was more than amenable to my original request, which was all about sharing information and staying connected.
How to keep in touch with connections:
1. You don’t have to become close friends with everyone in your network, all you need to do is stay close enough that they remember you and are willing to periodically connect.
2. How you do that is up to you – there are so many approaches, so choose whatever feels right to you. You can:
-Comment on their social media updates or blog posts, “I love this article, thanks for writing it/sharing this interesting point/saying this amazing thing that you said!”
-Share their articles or posts, and like or retweet something that they have posted.
-Send them an email every now and again and include a link to a relevant article. “Dear Sally, last time we chatted we talked about wigs. I just found a link to the Jessica Simpson wig line and I had to share it with you – have you seen these before?”
-Check in and ask a question or just say: “Hey, I’m thinking about you and I wanted to say hello! I hope we can catch up sometime soon.”
-Pick up the phone and call, and suggest getting together for a coffee.
-Or send them a Christmas card! (Or a “Hey it’s August!” card. Whatever floats your boat).
It’s an art, not a science – but at the bottom of it all is a simple principle: BE HUMAN.
Be interested in their work or their life. Ask questions. Treat them like you want to be treated.
Not everyone will respond, but don’t give up right away! We are all super busy and distracted in today’s world, and the more honest and human you are, the more people will be willing to build a relationship and stay in contact.
But what if you feel like a fraud?
Listen, I understand that reaching out to people can sometimes feel calculated or fake.
But thinking that way isn’t going to help you in your career. Remember that good networking is a TWO-WAY street. You might have something helpful or interesting to offer the other person if not now, than in future.
You might develop a great friendship, or share some information that will help them achieve something positive. You might offer a friendly ear in a moment when someone needs it.
Humans are social creatures. Connection is how we illustrate that social need.
And if you are focused on being a human, and building a relationship (and not just a transaction), then there is nothing wrong with being proactive or thoughtful with how you do it. Every relationship must start SOMEWHERE.
So go out there and reconnect with someone you’ve been wanting to chat with or to. Give it a try – you can do this!
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